In a recent chat, a friend told us about an interesting conversation he overheard. A guy turned to his female friend and said, “I’m not going to go to a bar and just start a conversation with a woman. Who wants to be picked up like that?”

Her answer? “Me.”

That one simple reply speaks volumes. Of course, one comment doesn’t capture the full picture, but it shows us that many of us men are feeling uncertain about dating right now — unsure of what’s welcome and what’s not.

If dating really is a numbers game, the numbers haven’t been in our favor lately. A 2022 Pew Research Center survey found that 63% of men under 30 were single — almost double the 34% of women in the same age group. And many of us are actively looking — about half of single men said we’re seeking either a committed relationship or casual dating. Only 35% of women said the same.

Why the gap?

There could be lots of reasons. Maybe we see relationships differently than women do. Maybe women are dating older partners or even dating each other more frequently now. Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men, suggests something else too — the rules of dating have changed, and many of us aren’t quite sure how to navigate them.

We’re in a time when ghosting, noncommittal behavior, and harassment aren’t tolerated — and rightfully so. Women expect more respect and clear intentions now. But for some of us, knowing what not to do isn’t the same as knowing what to do. We hear it all the time — don’t be creepy, don’t mansplain, don’t be toxic — but what does genuine, respectful interest even look like today?

That uncertainty creates hesitation. We don’t want to be misunderstood or rejected harshly. And yes, rejection has always been a risk in dating — but now, there’s even more pulling us away from real-world connections. Porn is one example. It’s accessible, always available, and doesn’t involve any emotional vulnerability. It’s not hard to see why some of us retreat into our screens rather than risk awkward or painful encounters.

Then there’s politics. Surveys have shown that more than half of single women wouldn’t date a Trump supporter. Only 36% of men say the same. When political beliefs become dealbreakers, even before we’ve had a chance to talk, that only adds another layer of fear and frustration to dating.

So, where do we go from here?

Reeves says the answer lies in building trust — and extending grace to one another. That means we, as men, need to take a deep breath and be willing to step outside our comfort zones. We can’t assume that every woman will judge or reject us — and we also shouldn’t act entitled to anyone’s attention or time.

At the same time, we hope women offer kind rejections and assume good intent where it exists. Most of us aren’t trying to offend or intimidate. We’re trying to connect. We know there are bad actors out there — on both sides. But the majority of us? We’re doing our best. And that’s worth recognizing.

We need to stop entering conversations with suspicion. Not every man is a predator. Not every woman is cold or cruel. If we want dating to work — really work — we have to assume good faith in one another.

Dating has always taken courage, vulnerability, and a bit of faith. That hasn’t changed. What’s new is the environment we’re navigating — but with grace, forgiveness, and mutual respect, we can still find meaningful connections.

And honestly? That’s what most of us are really looking for.