Men are often told to be strong and silent—yet at the same time, encouraged to talk about their emotions. These mixed messages can be frustrating. As a therapist, I know that expressing emotions is crucial, but many of us were never taught how to do it—or why it even matters. Simply put, when you can identify and articulate your feelings, you clear up a lot of internal struggles.
Get Specific About Your Emotions
Take my mornings, for example. With two kids waking up before 5 a.m., I can be seriously grouchy. Recognizing that I’m “angry” is a start, but it’s not enough. What kind of anger am I feeling? Am I irritable? Frustrated? Disgusted? Pinpointing the exact emotion helps determine what’s really bothering me and how to address it.
A great tool for this is a feelings wheel, which breaks down general emotions into more specific ones. For example, anger can branch into irritation, jealousy, or exasperation. Knowing the difference helps you respond effectively—whether that means setting boundaries, taking a break, or having a tough conversation.
Owning Your Emotions
Sometimes, just naming your emotions is enough to process them. But other times, discomfort or guilt can creep in—like feeling grateful for a high-paying job while also resenting a toxic boss. Many avoid conflicting emotions, but accepting them prevents long-term frustration and resentment.
A great example of emotional ownership happened during an NFL game when Minnesota Vikings’ receiver Justin Jefferson fumbled a crucial play. Instead of sulking, he tapped his chest, signaling, “That’s on me.” By isolating the mistake rather than letting it define him, he showed self-awareness and resilience.
Sit With Discomfort
If you’re not ready to verbalize emotions, sometimes you just need to sit with them. Like foam-rolling sore muscles after a workout, acknowledging discomfort helps it pass over time. The more you face emotions head-on, the less power they have over you.
By identifying and naming your feelings, you gain clarity on your thoughts and behaviors. This doesn’t just improve communication with others—it strengthens your relationship with yourself.