Are women truly more invested in romance than men? While rom-coms and women’s magazines often reinforce this idea, psychological research suggests otherwise. Multiple studies indicate that men may actually place greater importance on romantic relationships. Now, researchers have identified a key behavioral factor that helps explain this unexpected difference.
After analyzing over 50 studies on mixed-gender relationships, researchers from Humboldt University of Berlin, the University of Minnesota, and Vrije University Amsterdam proposed that men anticipate greater personal benefits from romantic relationships, making them more motivated to find a partner. Surveys reveal that men tend to experience stronger mental and physical health advantages from being in a relationship, are less likely to initiate breakups, and struggle more with the emotional aftermath when a relationship ends. These findings were published in Behavioral and Brain Sciences.
Elaine Hoan, a social psychology researcher at the University of Toronto, notes that this pattern aligns with her own research: single men tend to report lower levels of happiness compared to single women, a trend observed across both Western and Eastern cultures.
The study’s authors suggest that this heightened dependence on romantic relationships stems from early social conditioning, particularly differences in emotional expression. One study within the analysis found that American adults viewed three-year-old boys described as caring and emotional as less likable than those who displayed stereotypically masculine traits. Additional research showed that parents are more likely to emphasize emotional language with daughters, encouraging them to express sadness, while discouraging the same behavior in sons.
“From an early age, boys are discouraged from expressing vulnerability,” explains Iris Wahring, a social psychologist at Humboldt University and the lead author of the study. This pattern continues into adulthood, making men less likely to seek emotional support from friends and family. As a result, they often rely more heavily on their romantic partners for emotional connection. Women, on the other hand, tend to build broader support networks and are less dependent on romantic relationships for emotional fulfillment.
Mariko Visserman, a psychologist at the University of Sussex, commends the research for illustrating how gender norms in early life shape the emotional dynamics of adult relationships. She highlights the broader takeaway: strong, supportive relationships—both romantic and non-romantic—are essential for emotional well-being.
These findings suggest an important shift in social attitudes is needed. Encouraging men to develop emotionally supportive friendships outside of romantic relationships could help create a healthier balance. “This means challenging traditional gender norms that stigmatize male vulnerability and promoting the value of meaningful friendships for men,” Hoan notes. Expanding emotional support beyond romantic partnerships can provide resilience during difficult times and meet a variety of emotional needs.